Sasuke's Sexy no Jutsu
by Nasexsavkifs
Summary: Sasuke escapes from Orochimaru's lair, and asks Naruto to teach him the Sexy no Jutsu, in hopes that it will help him in some way with his revenge. Warning: Creeper!Orochimaru. We all know how much of a creeper he is!


Naruto laid back against a tree in the forest near his home, resting after the day's training. Sakura had left way before him, but he decided to stay behind to perfect his skills a little more. If he wanted to become hokage, he had to put in all the effort required. No use in laying around when you could be doing something.  
Soon, his mind turned the thought of what kind of ramen he should have for dinner, or if he had enough money to buy some from the Ramen shop down the street. As his mind drifted on to the different kinds of deliscious ramen, he failed to notice the ex-leaf village ninja running up to him. Only when the voice called out his name, did the unknown ninja get a response.  
"Hmm"? Naruto opened his eyes and saw the face of none other than his old rival, Sasuke Uchiha.  
Naruto jumped and quickly sat up against the tree.  
"S-Sasuke? What the hell are you doing here?! Why aren't you with Orochimaru"?!  
"I ran away. I couldn't stand being with that snake freak for another minute", Sasuke replied in a seemingly monotone voice, but only Naruto could detect the repulsion in his face.  
Naruto calmed down a bit, "What happened"?  
Sasuke gave the blonde boy a blank look, "I don't know. It's just that he seems really... weird. Seriously, that guy freaks me out. I could've sworn I saw him lurking in the corner of the bathroom when I was taking a shower this morning".  
Naruto chuckled nervously. There was always something off about that guy.  
Sasuke stood up, dusting himself off, "Anyway, I need a favour from you, Naruto".  
Naruto raised an eyebrow, "Oh, and what would that be"?  
"I need you to teach me the Sexy no Jutsu".  
What the hell? Surely Naruto was hearing things.  
"Uh... I'm sorry, what was that"?  
Sasuke sighed. He really didn't like repeating himself, "What I said was I need you to teach me your sexy no jutsu. I've heard it's the jutsu that no man can resist. And even though I think it's stupid, it still should be pretty handy when dealing with men. So, will you teach it to me"?  
Naruto looked at the raven-haired ninja strangely, "Why do you wanna learn it so badly"?  
"Even though I've already escaped from the clutches of Orochimaru, that doesn't mean I've abandoned my revenge. If the Sexy no Jutsu has taken down that many men, then it has to be good. So, what do you say, Naruto? Are you prepared to teach it to me"?  
Naruto smiled widely, "You betcha! In fact I'll start teaching it to you right now, so buckle up"!  
"Right".

~Two Hours Later~

"What the hell is that thing?! It needs to be prettier"!  
"Alright then", *poof!* "How's this"?  
"No! No! No! It's just the same as before! Don't you even know what a lady's body looks like"?!  
Sasuke glared at Naruto, but still chose to answer his question, "Well, I know the basics. That's all that I need to know, anyway".  
Naruto shook with anger. Never before had he seen someone with such an ego.  
"Yeah, sure, it's alright when you're a normal person, but not when you're learning the Sexy no Jutsu! For that, you would need extensive knowledge on female anatomy"!  
"But I don't know that kind of stuff"! Sasuke complained.  
He was really starting to get annoyed now. Naruto furrowed his eyebrows in thought for a moment, and when an idea came to him, his head shot up and his eyes held an odd kind of gleam  
"That's it! Sasuke, I know how you can get a proper lesson in female beauty"!  
"Oh, really? And what would that be"?  
"I'll leave it for you to find out when we start it. For now, we will get some rest. Meet me here tomorrow at 10:30 sharp".

~ The Next Day - 11:45 ~

Sasuke stood against a tree in the forest, waiting impatiently for Naruto. He growled in anger.  
Why's it taking Naruto so long to come? Didn't he tell me to meet him here at 10:30 sharp?!  
30 minutes later, Naruto finally arrived. Sasuke gave his a massive death glare.  
"Why the hell are you so late?! I've been waiting for over an hour"!  
Naruto looked at him lazily, "I was having some ramen".  
"Ramen?! Just who takes that long eating ramen"?!  
"Someone who enjoys indulging every once in a while. Now shut up, I really don't feel like arguing about this".  
"Oh? How very unusual for you".  
Naruto ignored Sasuke's snide remark, "Let's go now. I need to give you a lesson on the female anatomy"! he grinned ear-to-ear.  
Man, it's amazing how quickly he changes moods.

Naruto took Sasuke into a small shop on the corner of the street. Sasuke noticed the shopkeeper giving Naruto a filthy look. He wasn't surprised, really. Naruto must've done something to really get on his nerve.  
Said blonde took stopped in front of a magazine stand. He took a magazine titled 'Maxum'. It had a photo of a half-naked lady on the cover. Sasuke's eye twitched.  
"Naruto, why are you showing me this"?  
"To give you a lesson on female beauty! Now look at this girl here".  
Naruto pointed at a young lady who was barely covering herself up. All she had on was a g-string and a bikini top that barely covered her nipples.  
"Notice her trim figure and her cute face? That's what you have to be going for. And don't forget about the long legs, and take note of the smooth skin. You with me so far"?  
"Uh... yeah, I think so".  
"Good. Now I will show you a more accurate photo", he flicked through the pages.  
Sasuke gave him an odd look, "How do you know where all these women are in the magazine"?  
"I have the same issue at home".  
"You buy this magazine"?  
"Yeah, of course! But where is this girl? She should be right around... ah! Here she is"!  
Sasuke scanned the page and found another young lady who was just as beautiful as the last one, except this one was now completely nude, using her hands to cover up her bits.  
"What do you see on this woman that wasn't on the last one"?  
"I dunno... well, for starters, this one is in a far more suggestive pose".  
"Yeah, that's right! I'll show you an example..." he was about to show Sasuke another woman, if not for the shadow forming on the pages.  
The two ninjas turned around slowly and met the frightening gaze of the shopkeeper. They were both unfazed by his anger though.  
"What do you two think you're doing"?  
"Uh, reading", Naruto replied, as though the answer was obvious.  
"This is a shop, not a library. If you aren't planning on buying anything, then you guys are gonna have to leave"!  
Naruto darted past the shopkeeper, throwing the magazine at Sasuke.  
"Here! You can use this for a bit of background reading"!  
"Get back here"!  
"What's this guy's problem"? Sasuke asked Naruto.  
"I dunno. My guess is that he's having problems with the wife, if you catch my drift".  
Just as the man was about to catch them, he was caught by a replacement jutsu. The man blindly began looking for the thieves. He decided to ask someone about it.  
He tapped a lady on the shoulder, "Excuse me, have you by any chance seen a short blonde boy and a dark haired boy who looks like a stripper"?  
"Sorry, I haven't".  
The man threw his hat on the ground in anger, "DAMMIT"!

When they were sure they were a safe distance away, Naruto and Sasuke stopped in front of a building Sasuke didn't bother taking notice of.  
"Naruto... you idiot..." Sasuke panted.  
"What? What did I do"?!  
"You nearly got us into trouble"!  
"Hey! I was only doing what was best for you! Oh, and that reminds me... do you still have that magazine"?  
"Oh, you mean this"? Sasuke took the magazine out of his shirt.  
"Yeah, that's it"!  
Without a work, Sasuke ripped it up and threw it over the building.  
"What the hell, Sasuke?! What did you do that for"?! Naruto yelled.  
"I have no use for something so stupid", Sasuke sneered.  
"In case you don't know, that magazine would've helped you reach your goal"!  
"You mean that piece of trash"? Sasuke replied calmly, "I have no use for something like that".  
Naruto glared at him, but decided not to press on the subject, "Oh well, what's done is done. Now that we're done with the theory portion of the subject, now we're onto the practical side. Follow me".  
Sasuke followed Naruto silently. It was then that he noticed where they were. They were in a hot spring. He suddenly had a feeling of what Naruto was up to, and it wasn't good.  
Sure enough, Naruto was now climbing up the wall of one of the changing rooms. Sasuke looked up at him blankly as he watched what was taking place inside, giggling every now and then. As soon as he realized that Sasuke wasn't with him, he turned around and looked down at him.  
"Hey, Sasuke. Aren't you gonna watch"?  
"I'd rather not. For some reason, I seem to have a nasty suspision that what you want me to do will get us in even more trouble".  
"Oh, come on, Sasuke! Where's your sense of adventure? If anything it will help with your training".  
Sasuke sighed and climbed up the wall to join Naruto. He blushed slightly when he looked through the window, for it seemed to be the women's bath house. This wasn't a good idea at all, but he really wanted to master this jutsu as soon as possible. So he did what any logical boy his age would do in this sort of situation - watch.  
But when the women started getting undressed, Sasuke decided to voice his concerns.  
"Uh... Naruto, I'm not sure about this".  
"Whadaya mean? You said you wanted to master this jutsu, and it takes practice. Believe me, it's fine".  
"But I don't wanna look at naked girls"!  
Naruto laughed. Sasuke narrowed his eyes, "What's so funny"?  
"You don't wanna watch girls bathing? What are you, gay"?  
Sasuke growled threatingly, "Shut up! You're not funny"!  
"Yep, I was right! You're gay"! Naruto continued laughing hysterically.  
"I SAID SHUT UP"!  
Just then, all the women in the bathroom screamed and pointed at the window Naruto and Sasuke were looking through. They definitely could've been more inconspicuous.  
"Oh, nice going, Dingus! You blew our cover"!  
"It was your idea to start off with"!  
"Whatever! Let's get going now"!  
Naruto and Sasuke bolted out of the hot springs, until they were in the safe haven of the forest where they trained.  
"Alright. You think you can do the jutsu now"? Naruto asked Sasuke.  
"Yeah... I think so".  
The two boys trained really hard for the rest of the day.

~ 1 Week Later ~

After a week of intense (or maybe not so intense) training, Sasuke had finally pulled off the Sexy Jutsu. It was especially hard for him to do since he wasn't as perverted as an average 16 year old was, but through sheer force, he managed it.  
Naruto patted his friend on the back, "Good job, Sasuke! That means you've finally mastered the Sexy no Jutsu. I know this is off topic, but are you going to be staying here in the Leaf Village now that you're away from Orochimaru"?  
"I'm not sure, to be honest. I don't know what I want to do".  
"Please stay here with us, Sasuke. Train with us so that you can eventually get revenge on your brother like you want to".  
Sasuke looked down at the ground, "I'll think about it".  
"Ah, here you are, Sasuke".  
Naruto and Sasuke turned around to see Orochimaru walking towards them. He was not accompanied by Kabuto, which was odd.  
"I've been looking everywhere for you, my dear, sweet Sasuke. What made you want to run away"?  
"I didn't like being with you. I much rather it here".  
"Oh, was something wrong with the accomodation? I thought it was somewhat generous".  
"It has nothing to do with that. I just don't want to be a part of your plan anymore".  
"Why not? I thought you liked it. Didn't you want to exact revenge? Just what would you learn here"?  
Sasuke smirked, "I learned a new jutsu".  
"Oh, is that so? A new jutsu? Well, how about you show me then"?  
Sasuke looked at Naruto, who nodded, then he turned back to Orochimaru.  
"Very well then".  
Sasuke stepped back to give himself some distance, and then, forming a seal, he created around fifty shadow clones of himself. It was amazing. Naruto didn't think he had it in him, but clearly, he did.  
Orochimaru chuckled, "So you finally learned the Shadow Clone Jutsu. Hah! Like I've never seen that one before".  
But Orochimaru had another thing coming.  
"Oiroke no Jutsu"!  
The Sasuke clones from earlier were now completely nude.  
What the hell? Damn it, I must've done something wrong!  
But Sasuke was to be proven wrong when he saw that Orochimaru was practicallly drooling over the naked Sasukes. A long trail of blood dripped out of his nose as he stared open mouthed at the clones around him.  
Heh, it looks like he's enjoying this, that sick pervert. It's a lucky thing I messed this jutsu up. Maybe this is what I needed in the first place.  
Knowing that Orochimaru was enjoying this, Sasuke put on the most seductive smile he could manage. Heaps of blood shot out of Orochimaru's nose, until he was all white in the face.  
Once the jutsu had ended, Orochimaru collapsed on the ground due to blood lost. Naruto poked him with a stick.  
"Looks like he's dead. Great! We wasted all that time training, when I could've just taught you the shadow clone technique and had all your clones strip"!  
"Oh well, at least he's dead now. And don't forget, we've still got the Akatsuki to worry about".  
"That's true. Anyway, let's get going now".  
Naruto and Sasuke walked out of the forest, leaving the shocked jounin behind to dispose of the body.


End file.
